


flowers of (flesh and blood)

by ODed_on_jingle_jangle



Series: for you, above all [2]
Category: Dare Me (TV 2019), Dare Me - Megan Abbott
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Complicated Relationships, Conversations, F/F, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Rape Aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23193163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ODed_on_jingle_jangle/pseuds/ODed_on_jingle_jangle
Summary: Heat pools in Addy’s stomach as she beholds Beth above her, lips parted, hair messy. Addy watches perspiration roll from Beth’s clavicle to her cleavage and hungrily reaches up, grabbing her breasts. They’ve been dating for nearly a month now, but have yet to go beyond making out.But in this moment, Beth above her, sweaty skin to sweaty skin, it doesn’t seem like they can go anywhere but beyond. So Addy squeezes Beth’s breasts and— and is completely unprepared for the way Beth turns to stone at her touch.
Relationships: Beth Cassidy/Addy Hanlon
Series: for you, above all [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1667389
Comments: 14
Kudos: 159





	flowers of (flesh and blood)

**Author's Note:**

> Taking Dare Me fic prompts atm, since my campus is closed due to the virus and I have a bit of extra time on my hands. So here's one I got from an anon. 
> 
> Anonymous sent: _If your willing for the prompts, I would love a conversation with Addy and Beth, where Beth tells Addy about Kurtz. It wasn't touched on in the show and I just wondered how Addy would react. Also, just wanted to say all your fics are amazing._

They’re wrestling in the middle of the living room floor, rolling like alley cats and playfully pushing against each other. Lana is upstairs, passed out from her Percocet, oblivious to the noise they’re making. They’re rubbing rug burns into each other’s skin but Addy thinks the pain is pleasant and the sparkle in Beth’s eyes must be agreement. 

At one point Beth is straddling her, muscular thighs astride Addy’s hips. Heat pools in Addy’s stomach as she beholds Beth above her, lips parted, hair messy. Addy watches perspiration roll from Beth’s clavicle to her cleavage and hungrily reaches up, grabbing her breasts. 

They’ve been dating for nearly a month now, but have yet to go beyond making out. But in this moment, Beth above her, sweaty skin to sweaty skin, it doesn’t seem like they can go anywhere but beyond. So Addy squeezes Beth’s breasts and— and is completely unprepared for the way Beth turns to stone at her touch. 

Beth’s hands freeze midair. Addy can hear the breath snag in her throat. Her eyes widen slightly but she isn’t looking at Addy at all, isn’t looking at anything, and there’s something so unnerving about the blankness in her stare that it drains all of Addy’s desire away. 

She releases Beth’s breasts and lets her hands drop to the floor. 

“S-Sorry,” she stammers. 

It takes a minute, but Beth comes back to her. She swallows, climbs off of Addy with her eyes downcast. 

“Um,” Addy tries ineloquently. 

She doesn’t understand what just happened. They were all over each other until they weren’t. Maybe she squeezed too hard?

“I don’t want to go too far tonight,” Beth says with a grimace. “Sorry, Addy, I’m on my period.” 

Addy knows this isn’t true, but she doesn’t push it. The atmosphere doesn’t feel right anymore anyway. 

“Okay. Let’s watch a movie.” 

* * *

The next time it happens, they’re in Addy’s bedroom. Faith is out on a call and they have the house to themselves. Beth is splayed like a crab on the bedspread, propped up on her elbows, knees pointing toward the glow-in-the-dark stars on Addy’s ceiling and socked feet apart. 

Addy crawls between her open legs and captures Beth’s lips in a kiss. Beth makes a soft, needy sound beneath it and kisses her back. She grips Addy’s shoulders and kisses her even deeper, hotly opening her mouth against Addy’s and plunging her tongue between Addy’s teeth. 

A molten shudder ripples down Addy’s spine. She slowly draws her hand down Beth’s toned abs, but the second her fingertips venture lower than her navel, Beth breaks the kiss. She abruptly jerks her head back, removing her hands from Addy’s shoulders as if Addy’s skin had turned to lizard scales beneath her palms. 

“Beth?” Addy frowns. “What’s up?” 

“Your mom,” Beth blurts, eyes darting wildly. “I heard your Mom pull in the driveway.” 

“Huh? I didn’t hear anything.” 

“Then I guess blasting your headphones at max volume has finally made you deaf,” Beth huffs with a hint of frustration. 

Addy wiggles back and climbs off the bed, dubiously peering out the window. The driveway is empty. 

“Hey, my mom isn’t—“ 

“I’m going to the bathroom.” Beth hops off Addy’s bed and hurries into the hall without a backward glance. 

* * *

The third time it happens, it’s the two of them in the back of Beth’s Jeep at Lanvers. There’s a party in the woods but it’s much further ahead, everybody else gathered around the bonfire. Distant laughter floats through the air like friendly ghosts. Beth is in Addy’s lap, nuzzling against Addy’s cheek, one hand at the small of Addy’s back and the other holding a bottle of liquor. 

Beth’s skirt creeps up her thigh and Addy rests her hand on the outside of it, the hem hovering over her fingertips. Beth’s skin is starkly silver beneath the moonbeams above and Addy’s own skin takes a bluish hue. The contrast is almost ethereal and Addy admires it idly as she shifts under Beth’s weight, fingers skimming to the inside of her thigh. 

At the touch, Beth goes rigid. She clenches her jaw and wrenches her face off to the side. Her eyes squeeze tightly shut and her nose wrinkles up like she’s smelling something foul, milk gone sour or garbage rotting in the sun. 

Addy immediately retracts her hand, stomach twisting with a mix of concern and hurt. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Beth sucks in a breath and squirms her way off Addy’s lap, butt scooting into the seat beside her. 

“I had too much to drink.” 

“No.” 

“What do you mean, ‘no?’” Beth shakes the bottle in her hand, liquid sloshing within the glass confines. 

“That’s not it,” Addy says firmly, wanting to cut to the chase. As often as she finds herself taking a perverse satisfaction in the games she and Beth play with each other, the truths layered under carefully chosen lies and wayward social chess moves, this has been going on too long. It’s making Addy too nervous to avoid being direct. 

“You do this every time,” she continues, apprehension chewing in her chest. “We haven’t done anything more than kiss since we got together. Is it me? Are you not attracted to me anymore?” 

_Did you get bored after all?_ Addy wonders, a heartbeat fraught with bitterness.

“Of course I’m attracted to you.” Beth’s eyes flash back to Addy as she exhales. “God, look at yourself. You’re the most stunning human being in Sutton Grove.” 

Addy takes nominal comfort in the compliment. 

“Okay, so are you worried about me?” Addy blinks, studying Beth’s face. “Like, how I’ll be after our first time? Since I got weird after our first kiss…” 

Beth’s brows briefly lift then fall, mouth folding down as she fiddles with the bracelets on her wrist. 

“Maybe I should be asking you what your problem is,” she mumbles, sounding far more sad than confrontational. “Why you’re as horny as a buck in rutting season, all of a sudden.” 

Addy sees through the bait and she does not take it. She slides her hand over Beth’s instead and gives it a squeeze. 

“Hey,” she says softly when Beth’s deceptively troubled gaze returns to hers. “I know it’s not usually how we work, Beth, but whatever it is, tonight let’s just talk about it like normal people. I think we should get better at doing that, don’t you?” 

“Probably,” Beth admits, mildly morose. 

“So fill me in.” 

Beth turns around in the seat so that she’s facing Addy fully. She sets the bottle down and folds her other hand over Addy’s too, pulling it into her lap. Her features harden and unease prickles along the back of Addy’s neck. 

“The last time someone touched me, it was Kurtz,” she confesses, voice low and grave. “That night at the Playland. I don’t remember everything he did, but everything I do remember is a fucking nightmare.” 

Beth’s words sink in and with it, Addy’s stomach roils. Memories of that night flood through her, of Beth utterly slack and incoherent. The scent of booze so strong it was like her pores were sweating it out. Droopy eyelids that didn’t open all the way until the next morning, even as she went on and on about the hamsa bracelet. 

“Wait, you— but Beth, I asked and you said nothing happened.” 

Beth’s lip curls in disgust, jaw locking as she lifts her chin. 

“Because what he did might as well have been nothing,” she spits like venom. “I might as well have wanted it, ‘cause if I said I didn’t, it’s not like anyone would hold him accountable. It’d be my fault. All me, being so reckless, drinking even though I’m underage. My fault ‘cause I should’ve known not to party with older guys, or should’ve worn a longer skirt that day, or kept better track of my pepper spray. You know the drill, Addy.” 

“W-What about me?” Addy splutters, nausea crawling into her throat. “Why didn’t you tell me the truth?” 

“I didn’t think I had to.” Now Beth lets go of her hand, hugging her arms around herself instead. “Thought you’d just know. You would’ve too, if you weren’t so busy revolving around Planet Colette.” 

For a few heartbeats, they just stare at each other. Strange, uncomfortable things writhe through Addy at the mention of Coach. She struggles to push them away and guilt claws its way up from the pit of her gut as Beth continues looking at her with those piercing eyes. Horrors lurk there, horrors and the rawest hurt, and seeing it so plainly in Beth’s face now, it’s jarring to even imagine that she could’ve ever missed it before. 

“I’m sorry,” Addy chokes out. “Shit, I’m so sorry.” 

“You couldn’t have done anything about it anyway, Addy,” Beth deadpans, something so dark in her voice it sends chills up Addy’s spine. “Knowing what happened wouldn’t give you the power to change it.” 

“Well…is there anything I can do now?” 

“Not sex,” Beth says decisively, even as her eyes waver. “I need time before I can do anything like that again. Be patient with me, please.” 

“Yes, definitely,” Addy bobs her head up and down. “We can take all the time you need, Beth.” 

“Really?” Beth asks warily. 

“Really,” Addy promises, shifting and tentatively sliding her arm around Beth’s waist. “I understand now.” 

And it’s an understanding so devastating that a part of her wishes she actually didn’t know. Maybe that’s another reason why it was so easy to accept the lie she’d initially been fed. That nothing happened. That was easier to swallow than this, than the terrifying things she gleans from Beth’s eyes and the look on Beth’s face. Like even more tissue has been freshly torn open on her beating heart of scars. 

Beth leans into Addy and nestles her face into her chest. 

“Beth.” 

“Mm?” 

“Would you want to tell my mom about Kurtz?” Addy asks quietly. “Maybe open a case?”

“No. It’s his word against mine, we know how that goes. Besides, it’s kind of like how you didn’t want me to tell RiRi we kissed. Nothing stays secret in this town, everybody gets in your business as soon as they catch a whiff of it.” Beth tilts her head to peek up at Addy. “You know now, and you’re the only person who needs to know. I don’t want my pain to be someone else’s gossip.” 

Addy nods. This too, she understands. She holds Beth a little bit tighter and gingerly kisses the top of her head. They stay like that for awhile, snuggling quietly under the stars and listening to the distant sounds of the bonfire. Eventually those too die down. 

At some point Beth falls asleep against her shoulder and Addy remains awake, lingering feelings of guilt swirling in her stomach. She peers through the trees, into the pitch dark, thoughts heavy and eyes peeled for any predators who just may be hiding out there. 

**Author's Note:**

> I put it into my collection where Addy and Beth get together, because personally, I don't think what happened with Kurtz is something Beth would discuss directly with Addy as far as their current relationship(s) in canon goes. Hope that's okay with you, anon.
> 
> Got title from a song. Will probs fix typos tomorrow cause it's currently 3 o'clock in the morning and my brain is kinda done.


End file.
